Dear Internet: An Epiphany By Warren[isweird]

[an accurate representation of my mind since Tuesday this past week]

Internet, we need to talk. You are probably going to want to sit down for this one, because I have something extremely important I want to talk [well, technically write] to you all about: the future of warrenisweird. If you follow me on Instagram, on Twitter, or even in real life; you probably have a good idea of where this post is headed before I even start. sigh. Believe me when I say, this is harder for me to say than it is for you to read it. Ready? This is going to be a long one so take a deep breath with me, and let’s talk. Okay, here goes.

If you have been following warrenisweird since the beginning, you would know/remember that I work at a funeral home and have been for a while now. [my fourth year is coming this July!] You would also know that my chosen career path is to become a fully Licensed Funeral Director. While this still all remains true to this day, my work-life is constantly evolving: I am learning more and more everyday about the role of a Funeral Director and through my newly learned skills, I took [what I consider] one of the biggest chances in my life and applied for College in order to become said Funeral Director. With all this busy-ness happening, you probably also have noticed a lack in posts on here. This is mainly because I have been working a lot more lately ever since we lost two staff members at work, and when I actually am off work; I am taking a break.. usually ending with me falling asleep on the couch. Hell, I haven’t even watched a movie in what feels like forever because I am so damn busy.. Be all this as it may, this past Tuesday – the 2nd of May – I received the absolute best news imaginable: I have been accepted to Humber College in Toronto [Ontario] to be a full time student [starting in September 2017] to study Mortuary Science/Funeral Studies. While I am beyond excited for this, there comes a catch.. and I am about 99.99% sure you know what I am about to say: Suddenly, everything becomes even more busy, and because of this, I have absolutely no time for warrenisweird.

[an accurate representation of both sides of my brain]

Let’s reflect for a moment: when I started warrenisweird, it was always meant to be a hobby: a if you will – place to talk about my feelings towards upcoming horror films [which I still and always will have a passion for] and movie reviews in my spare time. That last part is probably the most important part of the sentence – “in my spare time.” Little by little, I became more and more busy in my personal life, be it with work, application struggles or even just finding time to spend with my Wife. Because of this, I had no choice but to put this blog aside for a while.. Until “a while” became weeks, which felt like months. Now, especially if I am going to school in September, most of – if not all – my time and dedicated “free time” is to my education and ultimately; my future. Even after I finish the in-class portion of my schooling, I have a 5-6 day Internship [which lasts a year] before I change into that Fully Licensed Funeral Director I have been striving to become. What I am trying to say is that even after I am done school, I still would have little to no time to write up a blog post. HOWEVER, there is a silver lining to all this negativity..if can you believe it.

Although I may not have as much time to write on here, that does not mean that I am never going to write on here again – I plan on keeping the URL name [warrenisweird will forever be my namesake] and I will do my best to find time to post once and a while, there just might be a few weeks between posts.. and sometimes, no posts in a month. Also, and I realize I have said this before and failed miserably, I plan on using my Medium account as an almost “Diary” of sorts; writing about my experiences in College and other exciting life events. [if you find yourself interested, please consider following me there] Also, if you have “liked” the Facebook Page for warrenisweird, I will always/still continue to share/post horror related content. That page is not going away either! If you are a fan of warrenisweird for the movie reviews I write, those are/will be found over on Letterboxd; so follow me there if you want my thoughts on movies! [and as always do not hesitate to recommend me something to watch! It does not have to be strictly horror!]

[Where I like to think we stand as a community]

To end this word spill on a sappy lovey-dovey note, I just want to say that I appreciate every one of you that took time out of your day to read/continue to read warrenisweird. This journey into the blogging world would never have happened if not for you guys! It truly means a lot to me that people actually give a crap about what I write on here, and even engage in conversation about it – even if they disagree with my post! I love debating movie theories, and explaining why I love a certain “bad film,” it’s what connects us as horror movie fans! At least I think so, anyway. You guys are the absolute BEST and I wouldn’t trade the feeling you gave me as a writer away for anything.

So now you know. This is why I tend to “disappear” from the blog for x-amount of days/weeks, what I am up to in my personal life, and what life has for me next. I hope that I have explained this well enough, and thank you all for understanding why I am choosing to not write on here as often as I once wished I could. [At least not nearly as frequently] The best way to look at this is it is not a final goodbye, it’s “I will see you around!” As always, if you find yourself to enjoy what I do on here, then please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [we’re just over 195+ likes – let’s get it to the 200 mark!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird from the very moment it’s been “gone live” online and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog.

Seriously though, these past few years have been a blast and if I could, I would love to continue doing this gig. Being a small time hobby, it was never meant to be a long-term career [writing online as a full time job is one of the hardest things to get into! I strongly commend those that get to do it!] As I mentioned above, I’ve also been writing my movie reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch. As for my “Diary” posts? Follow me on Medium for updates on my life. These posts will be starting soon! I love you all, please do not hesitate to reach out to me through my contact page, which goes straight to my personal email. I try to reply to every one of them, so whether it’s a movie recommendation or a simple “thanks,” I can’t wait to hear from you!

As always,

 

THANKS FOR READING.

A GROOVY Look Inside The Upcoming “Evil Dead 2” Coloring Book!

Awhile ago, I wrote a post about a horror coloring book and how over the last few years, adult coloring books have earned themselves enormous popularity around the world. [read that post here!] This is for good reason though, because some people see them as relaxing or therapeutic. As I am sure you are aware, there are many different themes for them; from Harry Potter to Animal Kingdoms; it really all depends what your inner child is calling for. But what if your “inner child” is none other than The King himself, Ash Williams? Then the people over at Space Goat Productions have you covered! Besides releasing a handful of comic books such as Evil Dead 2: Revenge Of Krampus, they are also putting out an Evil Dead 2 board game – which I really need on my shelf – this year! READ THAT AGAIN: an Evil Dead 2 board game! What’s next? A coloring book? Its funny you say that..because that’s exactly what is coming our way; Evil Dead 2: The Adult Coloring and Activity Book [aka: 96-pages of pure ‘Evil Dead 2’ fun!]

Of course, the book is not here yet, but you can still pre-order – arguably – the coolest coloring book of all time over on the Merch Goat website. Because I care – and I am just way too excited for this book – take a look at a few of the inside pages below and let me know what you think! They even suggest you share your “colored pages” on social media using the hashtag “#ColorMeDead” which to me sounds oh so appropriate!

So the real take away begs the question of if You plan on pre ordering this extremely GROOVY book? Why or Why Not? Let me know below! [I plan on picking one up as soon as they become available!] As always, if you find yourself to enjoy what I do on here, then please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [we’re just over 190+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog.

Seriously though, every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] coming the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

THANKS FOR READING.

WARRENISWEIRD’s Top 05 SCARIEST “Are You Afraid Of The Dark?” Episodes

If you follow warrenisweird on Facebook, [which if you don’t, you definitely should] you probably saw this post referencing a TV show from my [very scarred] childhood: Are You Afraid Of The Dark? Along with shows like Tales From The Cryptkeeper and Goosebumps, this was a show that I used to watch almost religiously, even though it would give me indefinite nightmares after every episode. By sharing that one video clip on Facebook, I started to remember just how terrifying Are You Afraid Of The Dark? really was, especially for something that was marketed towards kids who were just getting into horror such as myself. I decided [against my better judgement] to delve back into the show and dig up past nightmares and make a list of my top 05 episodes [in no particular order] that I would argue are the scariest from my childhood, and to some degree, still are! As you can expect, spoilers will be involved with every submission below, so tread lightly if you are worried about finding out the “twist!”

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Submitted For The Approval Of The Midnight Society, I call this story: WARRENISWEIRD’s TOP 05 SCARIEST “Are You Afraid Of The Dark?” EPISODES

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“The Tale Of The Captured Souls” [Season 01]

Starting off with the “not so scary,” we have an episode from early in the series that follows Danielle and her family’s lakeside vacation that [almost] goes dead wrong! When Danielle and her family arrive for their holidays, they meet a strange man by the name of Peter: the abnormal [and young] inn keeper. The inn itself is also strange, covered with mirrors that shock whoever touches them because of, as Peter says, “old wiring.” [Because everyone knows that mirrors are usually wired, right?] During their stay, Danielle and her family begin to feel drained, and notice more than a couple new grey hairs growing on their heads. Eventually, we learn that the [wired] mirrors from before are actually part of a more elaborate plan to drain the inn’s guests of their souls, which will effectively keep Peter forever young. What doesn’t help is when Danielle stumbles upon Peter’s “graveyard” – a place where he keeps a collection of all the souls he’s stolen over the years. After Danielle discovers that Peter is behind everything after discovering his “soul-sucking lab.” Peter offers a truce: he will give Danielle the chance to join him in his quest for eternal youth. As expected, she instead destroys his bizarre science project; which ends with him becoming an old and ancient man, saving her parents from having their souls taken.

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“The Tale Of The Super Specs” [Season 01]

If you were a big enough fan of the series, you probably remember Sardo’s Magic Shop. It was a plot point of many of the “Tales” that revolved a “magic/mystical item.” While a lot of the items were unique – and sometimes terrifying – none of Sardo’s “tools” were as traumatizing as his “Super Specs.” That’s where this episode comes in. While wearing the Super Specs, Mary Beth is given the ability to see things that aren’t really there. These “things” can range from a tea kettle whistling on the stove to figures cloaked in black. Soon enough, she learns that these specs have been cursed with a “second sight,” which opens a window into an alternate dimension. After explaining the situation to Sardo, he agrees to help Mary Beth clear her home of these dark visions, but his lack of experience in magic [irony?] ends up causing a “cosmic imbalance” which grants the [dark] creatures full access to our world. What makes this episode so scary is that it ends with our hero’s demise, which if I’m honest, is a lot to take in for a kid.

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“The Tale Of The Ghastly Grinner” [Season 04]

If you have been a follower of warrenisweird for a while now – or you know me in real life – you are probably aware that I have an irrational fear of clowns. This particular Tale did not help that cause.. In the picture above, you are looking into the eyes of this entry’s villain, The Ghastly Grinner: an evil comic book character bent on making life for a young boy [Ethan] a living hell. Like most days in the early 1990s, it all started when our “hero” went to the opening of a new comic book store in town. [back when the days were easier] The store’s owners offered him a “one-of-a-kind” comic which featured the monstrosity above, who causes people to laugh uncontrollably and spit up blue goo.. [Gross! Why Nickelodeon?!] Before putting his new [and rare] collector’s item with the rest of his comic book memorabilia, Ethan accidentally spills a glass of water on it. Instead of cleaning the mess up like a normal human would, he decides to microwave the comic book.. because, of course he does. Bad news for Ethan though, because the radiation [somehow] brings the comic book villain to life! After The Ghastly Grinner starts freaking people out all over town – including a young Warren who cannot look away from the TV – Ethan decides [responsibly] to take matters into his own hands by creating a new comic book; in order to defeat The Grinner. Somehow though, he manages to get trapped inside the comic, thus bringing him face to face with the gut-busting villain.. Although this episode is more silly than anything, The Grinner himself scarred me like any – and every – clown before him. That reason alone earns it a spot on this list.

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“The Tale Of The Dead Man’s Float” [Season 05]

Oh yes, that episode. The one from what I shared on Facebook. [see beginning of post] This Tale centers around Zeke, a geeky teenager who yearns to get close to a girl by the name of Clorice, [wait! Is that a chlorine pun?!] the super-cute captain of the swim team. In exchange for helping with her chemistry homework, she decides to give him swimming lessons. [definitely a fair trade as far as I am concerned!] Naturally, Zeke is eager to impress her, he takes her to their school’s abandoned swimming pool [which, for plot reasons, is mysteriously still filled with water] to begin his “lessons.” But this specific pool has been hidden for a good reason: It was built on top of an old graveyard, and now the spirits are angrier than ever! That’s when we meet the zombie/skeleton hybrid above. Don’t worry though, because in the end, Zeke uses his super-chemistry skills/nerdiness to defeat the evil skel-zombie, he gets the girl, and even learns how to doggie paddle!

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“The Tale Of Laughing In The Dark” [Season 1]

ANOTHER CLOWN! And worst of all, this is the episode I remember the most! [it’s also only the second in the show’s history] This final Tale takes us back the Great Depression, when a scheming Zeebo The Clown decides to steal some cash from the carnival’s payroll. While on the run, he hides in the fun-house, which proved to be a mistake as he then accidentally burns it [and himself] to the ground with his cigar ash. Years later, the carnival rebuilds the fun-house, placing a dummy of Zeebo inside as a memorial to the clown who died inside [reminder, the guy robbed them! ..I don’t get that logic either] Flash forward to the 1990s,when a little punk of a kid named Josh decides to swipe the Zeebo dummy’s nose as a way to prove he isn’t afraid of his town’s local legend: the fun-house is haunted. But he should be. Because soon he is visited by the ghost of Zeebo, who begins terrorizing Josh at home, at school, and even making threatening phone calls. On a happier[?] note, The clown got his nose back at the end of the episode. However, a clown who laughs in the dark is no friend of mine!

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Of course there are so many other episodes I could have covered in this list – 91 episodes total – that I probably forgot some of the more important ones! Which episode of Are You Afraid Of The Dark? scared You the most? If you liked this post, let me know in the comments below! [In the future, I may just do a Goosebumps version of this list!] As always, if you find yourself to enjoy what I do on here, then please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [we’re at over 180+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog.

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] coming the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

THANKS FOR READING.

Is Blumhouse Making The “Five Nights At Freddy’s” Movie?

WRITER’S NOTE: Hey, remember me? I am the guy who used to write weekly on a little horror blog called warrenisweird. Yeah, I know; I have been ‘missing’ for quite some time now, but with planning for college [the last two weeks have been me playing telephone tag/sending emails to Coordinators and Professors] and working almost six days a week, [a co-worker recently quit, which left a ton of room for extra shifts on my part. Naturally, I said yes!] I have hardly had any time to myself. When I do get time to relax, I have spent it playing on my new [and shiny!] PS4 that Stephanie got me for my birthday that just past. [if you are interested in adding me on PS+, send me a comment and we will talk about it!] Therefore, I want to make it crystal clear that I still will be writing warrenisweird blog posts.. just very infrequently; at least until this whole college situation is under control and I find the time. Now, onto today’s post!

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Say what you will, but ever since Five Nights At Freddy’s broke onto the gaming scene and started terrifying players back in 2014, it seemed almost like a guarantee that a Five Nights At Freddy’s movie was sure to follow. Almost like clockwork, the game – which has had multiple sequels and even a series of books – was grabbed for a film adaptation by Warner Bros. a year later; in 2015. However, for some reason, we have not heard anything about it since then.

So does this imply that the project is dead? Not quite.. because very recently Five Nights At Freddy’s creator Scott Cawthon posted a very interesting Tweet that seems to suggest the film is coming sooner rather than later, check out the Tweet below!

https://t.co/6EaMBDnbxI—
Scott Cawthon (@real_scawthon) March 28, 2017

Naturally, everyone who is a fan of the game[s] jumped at Scott, asking if the movie really is coming to fruition after all, which he did not reply to. But, it is important to realize that this is the first Tweet Cawthon has EVER posted [seriously, check out his account] so it must mean that something is happening. But what does it mean? For starters, it seems that Warner Bros. is no longer making the movie and [based on the projector screen behind the chair] Blumhouse has become [one of] several companies seemingly very interested in acquiring the rights. Put that together with Cawthon’s [only] Tweet, and it is safe to assume that Blumhouse has come aboard to save the day. Be aware though, I am not going to say that this is confirmed, and that the deal has been sealed. I would be fairly surprised though if Cawthon Tweeted this before it was official. [So keep your fingers crossed!]

So the question remains, is Blumhouse making a Five Nights At Freddy’s video game movie adaptation? Could Markiplier be part of the film? This one single Tweet has left fans – myself included – with many questions. What are Your thoughts on a FNAF movie, and how would You like it be done? Let me know in the comments below! As always, if you find yourself to enjoy what I do on here, then please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [we’re at over 180+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog.

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] coming the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

THANKS FOR READING.

SAW: LEGACY [VIII] Plot Details Revealed?

Imagine with me for a moment: a film series that has lasted seven films, with the seventh being called “The Final Chapter”, but somehow; another sequel was on the way. Impossible? Not quite. At least, not for the SAW franchise, because sometime next year [presumably around Halloween] we are getting another sequel/addition to this seemingly never ending cycle of films. The question on everyone’s mind though is if it is a sequel, a reboot, or a continuation; because with a title like SAW: LEGACY, it does not tell us much. It is no surprise that rumors and secrets circle this film because this is not the first time I have written about this sequel, just look at the SAW VIII tag on warrenisweird but today, I have a new exciting development to add to this tag: plot details..At least, that’s what they are being called since we have zero knowledge about this new film as far as trailers/screenshots/anything.

According to sources, SAW: Legacy is going to begin with bodies turning up around the city, each having met a uniquely and gruesome end. [No doubt as a result of their “tests”] But as the investigation proceeds, evidence points to one man: John Kramer. But as fans know, this is impossible.. The man known as Jigsaw has been dead for over a decade. [see SAW III] Could it be that another apprentice has begun his/her version of the works of Jigsaw, or perhaps even someone within the investigation? Before people start jumping on the bandwagon of [spoiler] Hoffman surviving the sequence at the end of The Final Chapter, it’s also noted that Costas Mandylor [who played Hoffman] or Cary Elwes [who played Doctor Gordon] will not be returning to play their respective characters, who [spoiler] both ended up becoming apprentices of Jigsaw in previous installments. As for the original Jigsaw, it is rumored that Tobin Bell will be back in some way, shape, or form. [Don’t be too surprised if it is only through flashback sequences]

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am feeling the same way as most people in the horror community: just what the hell is SAW: LEGACY going to be about, and what could the story arc follow? Personally, I want to know what Doctor Gordon was doing after the end of the “Last” SAW film; but if he is not set to star in this film – it raises even more questions: is this “new” Jigsaw a copycat? A new apprentice? Another cop? Or maybe someone new we have yet to know anything about. Let me know who You think it could be in the comments below, and if You are not sure who to guess; let me know if You are looking forward to another SAW film!

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As always, if you find yourself to enjoy what I do on here, then please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog.

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] coming the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

THANKS FOR READING.

Do YOU Still Need Something For February 14th? How About [Serial Killer] Valentine’s Day Cards?

It’s February, which can only mean one thing: Valentine’s Day. Between all the chocolate and the candle light dinners, surely there is more to this “holiday” than just saying “Love is in the air,” right? If you think like me, and go with the literal approach, nothing says “you have my heart” more than your dearest enemy’s heart in a heart shaped box [see above] with a nice card to go with it. But what kind of card could go with something so..messy? Luckily for you, I have you covered – with some lovely [serial killer themed] Valentine’s Day cards, that you can actually buy! Before I share the cards with you, the horrific theme here is somewhat appropriate given the holiday’s true dark origins. In ancient Rome, during the dates of February 13th to 15th, the Romans celebrated something they called “The Feast Of Lupercalia.” During this time, the Roman men would sacrifice both a goat and a dog, followed by whipping their women with the hides of the animals they had just killed to.. well, show them how much they cared.. remember, the Roman women were okay with this, because they believed this would help in fertility! Don’t worry if this all sounds strange to you, because it definitely sounds strange to me. Now, shall I show you these killer cards? I suppose nothing says “I love you” like a man who cuts up bodies and saves their heads in his fridge.. right?

Jeffrey Dahmer: order this card here!

Ted Bundy: order this card here!

Charles Manson: order this card here!

Serial Killer Two Sheet Set: order this set here!

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Of course, this is not even close to all the cards on the Etsy site. Calling herself “the Anti-Hallmark,” NonComposCards also has Christmas cards, and even Birthday cards available. Of course, being as Valentine’s Day is this week, you might have to get something from an actual Hallmark, because I somehow doubt these would arrive on time.. [unless you happen to live extremely close to the creator] The real question is: would You buy any/all of these cards for Your loved one? Why or why not? Let me know over in the comment section! Be sure to also follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 180+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too! Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

THANKS FOR READING.

*NOTE: Because of the time of year, I have been working a lot more lately [four, sometimes five, days a week – all day] because this is the time that Colleges/Universities begin sending out acceptance letters. With this in mind, I am – unfortunately – not as available to write a new post every second day like I did when I started warrenisweird. I feel that I should share this information because I have been asked why I seem to disappear from here for almost weeks at a time. If wanted, let me know in the comments, and I can write a more detailed/explanatory post*

Film Study: “Batman Returns” [1992] Is ACTUALLY A Horror Film!

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am a fairly large fan of Tim Burton. Ever since I was a kid, I was fascinated with films like Beetlejuice, Mars Attacks!, and of course; The Nightmare Before Christmas. Although I was not born until three years later, in the year 1989, Tim Burton gave the world his vision of Batman, the first version of the character on screen in over [at the time] 20 years! The film starred Michael Keaton as the title character, and the film went on to earn over $400 million in the box office: a number so staggering that pushed it to become the fifth highest grossing film ever. [In its time] With it, came a new franchise that spawned three more films/sequels over nearly a decade, which comes to a combined total of over $1 billion at the box office. During its release, Batman was praised for being a dark and gritty take on the character that were previously seen as cheesy. Burton’s film[s] were rated PG-13, a way of letting parents know that the tone/atmosphere was not meant for children. Even though Batman brought us the maniacal Joker, played expertly by Jack Nicholson, it was not until 1992’s Batman Returns that truly jumped into the darkness of the character as well as the scarier and more vicious nature of the villains within Gotham. So why am I bringing up Batman on a horror blog? Well, besides the fact that Batman is a darker type of hero, I want to talk about Batman Begins – and how after reading a similar theory online, I too believe besides being a superhero film, it is also a horror film! This post is going to kind of long, being as we are going into depth, but let’s talk about it! I may also come off as being bias in this film study, after all it is one of my favorite Batman films; especially with Michelle Pfeiffer playing Catwoman! Don’t believe me? Check out this picture of Me from when Stephanie and I went to a Wax Museum in Niagara Falls this past summer! Now, onto the actual film study, I am distracting myself!

Batman Returns has four main characters: Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne/Batman, Michelle Pfeiffer as Selina Kyle/Catwoman, Danny DeVito as Oswald Cobblepot/Penguin, and Christopher Walken as Max Shreck. As another quick side note, the name of Walken’s character isn’t random, as Maximillian “Max” Schreck was the actor who played Count Orlok in the German horror film Nosferatu. The film takes place during the end of the year holiday season, where everyone in Gotham is celebrating and embracing Christmas. However, as expected, the city is being spooked by an unknown, evil entity who goes by the name of “The Penguin.” The Penguin is the top headline of all newspapers and the talk of the town, and has been said to be a hideous creature but no one knows this for sure, because there have only been occasional glimpses of him, and no one seems to have any clue who [or what] The Penguin is.. or what he wants. So, while the people of Gotham City want to celebrate Christmas, they are being terrorized by a group of criminals who call themselves the “Circus Gang.” True to their name, these low class villains look like something out of a carnival with fire-breathers dressed up as demons to flame-juggling stilt walkers, to skeleton motorcycle riders [who have the coolest helmets/masks ever] to even an organ grinder with a vulcan cannon in a music box. Clearly, this gang is fully aware that looks and being prepared is everything. Naturally, they get stopped by Batman and then the true villain is revealed and the movie shifts to a battle between The Penguin and The Batman.

The overall story of this version of The Penguin is that he was born deformed and his parents left him into a small river in a city park. When his crib floated into the zoo, he was found and raised by penguins. Years later, he rises from the sewers and gains the sympathy of Gotham, which he uses, thanks to Shreck’s influence, to run for the Mayor of the city. Meanwhile, he’s working hard on his evil scheme to abduct [and kill] every first-born son of every citizen with the intention of drowning them; his reasoning? So they can experience what he did as a child: nearly drowning. Selina Kyle comes into the picture when she happens to get killed by Shreck, only to come back a radically different person; one that decides to don a sexy leather outfit and become The Catwoman. So nothing overly horror-film like yet, just some political backstabbing, superhero crimefighting, super villain being super villains.. It all sounds pretty mechanical when looking at it now, right?

What makes Batman Returns a horror film on top of a superhero movie is this pervasive violence and dislike for human life sprinkled throughout the film. There is an almost a hidden smile in the death of people and during the destruction of Gotham, which comes from Batman himself too. Many people were shocked by just how easily Ben Affleck’s take on Batman casually killed people in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. But if you compare the two, he’s got nothing on Keaton, who will happily turn the Batmobile back around, only to shoot flames from his tailpipe onto a fire-breather or how about that time when he drops a guy into a manhole.. who then later explodes? This is the real killer Batman and it is terrifying to know that he does it with efficiency, coldness, and even a sense of enjoyment.

[the true face of EVIL]

But let us not forget the villainous natures of both Cobblepot and Shreck. The Penguin lives up to his evil nature, and seems unafraid to hide it. He is shown forcing Shreck to help him emerge from the sewers by threatening to expose his shady business practices, as well as sharing the fact that Shreck killed a partner. This was confirmed by Penguin when we see him flaunting [and playing with] a dismembered hand! As for Shreck himself, he’s a monster in way that he manipulates [and deceives] those around him with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. Even the way he stalks Selina, only before pushing her out of a window shows that he is a charming but absolutely ruthless man. He is a sociopath who will do whatever it takes – and kill anyone in his path – to get what he feels he deserves.

Speaking of Selina Kyle, let’s talk about her resurrection. She was pushed out of a skyscraper, fell dozens of stories to her death, and was then licked [back to life?] by cats with a strange ability of having multiple lives. At first she looks like some ghastly image of her former self. Her skin is pale and gray, and she is seen having blood streaked across her face. But then she [emotionally] snaps, destroying her apartment with wild/exaggerated anger, and we see her fingers are now curled like a cat’s claws. But do not forget that her sadistic streak began before she “died.” Remember when Batman saved her on the street? Instead of thanking him, her first impulse was to kick the guy that held her hostage, even though he’s incapable of defending himself because he’s just been knocked out. If that is not enough, she then picks up the taser that he held to her face and proceeds to test it on him, laughing at the [shocking] outcome! It seems that she already had a sick streak in her – dying just gave her the freedom to finally let it all out.

Quickly jumping back to Shreck, he is nothing short of a monstrous persona, one that would be perfectly at ease sitting next to Hannibal Lecter, although if we are being honest; he’s nowhere near as classy. However, he does like to do his dirty work behind-the-scenes, showing the public eye one personality while living a totally different one in his private life. In this “other life,” he is capable of murder without flinching, showing that he is just as calculated as someone like Patrick Bateman. Just look at the following clip to see his charming yet evil persona in action.

When Shreck finally meets his death, it is perhaps the most gruesome of the film and it calls back to Selina’s initial taste of “being bad.” When she does get to killing Shreck, she uses that same taser to cook him into a skeleton! But of course, she is not the real villain/monster; that title goes to The Penguin. From his sharp teeth and black spittle to his deformed overall presentation, he openly admits to being “an animal” and “cold-blooded.” Watching his behavior throughout the film is equal to that of a wild [and uncontrollable] creature, who can be playful one moment and then turn to a frightening and dangerous with monstrous intentions the next. While trying to coo to a young woman in his mayoral committee, he suddenly and abruptly turns on a young man, biting his nose so severely that the man is left disfigured and bleeding profusely!

What also makes his character so fascinating is the parallels between The Penguin and God and Satan. As previously discussed, Cobblepot’s ultimate end game is to kidnap the first-born children of Gotham in their sleep. This is essentially the 10th Biblical plague, in which God came down and slew the first-born child of every family who was not protected by lamb’s blood, Cobblepot plans to bring tremendous terror and grief to those who he feels enslaved him below the surface. However, as we all know, Penguin is no God and that’s where his “palace” comes into play. Hidden in the depths of the abandoned Gotham Zoo, Cobblepot’s “castle” is cold and icy, which could be seen as an allusion to Dante’s Inferno, where the terrifying [and grotesque] Satan lives within the bowels of Hell, trapped in a frozen lake. Ultimately, the icy location becomes engulfed in flames, much like how we -as people – envision Hell.

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Now remember: this is just a theory, but when it first came out, this movie was labeled as grotesque by parents and I believe that its easy to see why. DeVito’s version of The Penguin gave countless children [including myself!] nightmares for a long time and seeing Pfeiffer die in such a violent fashion is something that kids were not meant to see. Furthermore, this may very well be the darkest overall presentation of a Batman film. I can’t think of anything that comes close to how bleak and dark this entry is.

Now, before anyone starts with the whole “It’s not scary!” argument, let’s all remember that a lot of horror films are not that scary to begin with. To frighten an audience is a bonus when it comes to horror, at least for us horror genre fans. What makes a horror film “horror” is how it presents itself, how there is this grim feeling surrounding the overall film. Based on the facts above, I believe that Batman Returns does this extremely well.

The real question is though, do You think Batman Begins is a horror film? Why or why not? Let me and Michelle Pfeiffer know in the comments! Be sure to also follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 180+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too! Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

THANKS FOR READING.

TRAILER THOUGHTS: THE REASON I [YOU] ARE AFRAID OF CLOWNS: CLOWNTERGEIST [2017]

As I have said countless times in the past, I have coulrophobia – AKA a fear of clowns – and with the reboot of It coming out this year, it is safe to say that I am going to be terrified in the theater. Hell, these past 12 months have given us films like 31, Clowntown and Circus Of The Dead showing us that the genre of the clown[s] is definitely coming! Don’t get me wrong though, there actually have been clown themed movies that I actually enjoyed like Killer Klowns From Outer Space, and even the original TV movie of It, but this is because films like Killer Klowns are extremely cheesy, and have that “fun and quirky quality” to them. [Though, if I am being honest, “It” did scar me as a young child]

Enter Clowntergeist – and yes, that is the film’s actual title – 2017’s first horror film featuring a killer clown. More specifically, this is a horror movie about a clown that is possessed by a demon and stalks around a small town; leaving messages [dates and times] on balloons in order to tell his victims exactly the moment when he will kill them. Watching the trailer, Clowntergeist seems to be a mix of The Ring, It, and even a shade of Poltergeist! It looks, as far as  design, completely ridiculous and possibly terrible. But with the right friends, it also looks like it could be fun; being a film that is not meant to be taken overly seriously.

[the villain of CLOWNTERGEIST]

Clowntergeist follows Emma, a college student who, like me, has a crippling fear of clowns. She is forced to come face to face with her worst fear when an evil spirit in the body of a clown is summoned and is terrorizing the town she calls home. One by one Emma and her friends receive a balloon with the exact time and date of when this clown will appear to kill them written on it. After receiving her balloon, Emma comes to realize that she has only two days left to live, and must fight against the clock to find a way to survive..and stop the Clowntergeist [who, according to IMDb, is named “Ribcage The Clown“] once and for all! Does this sound like something you would be interested in watching? While there may not be an official release date yet, you should still check out the trailer below!

Between the gore and the greasepaint, Clowntergeist looks like a terrible, yet fun horror film. I find myself genuinely curious to find out how Emma kills this haunted circus freak! Does this look like Your kind of film? Or are you, like me, afraid of clowns and will be watching through your fingers in the theater? Let me know your thoughts in a comment or two! Be sure to also follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 180+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too! Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

[whoops! wrong killer klown!]

THANKS FOR READING.

GET OVER HERE.. Because Ghana Made Their OWN “MORTAL KOMBAT” Film!

The Mortal Kombat films have had quite an interesting history. Between having a massively successful initial first film back in 1995 – which I absolutely love – there was its atrocious sequel from 1997 that and even a TV series in 1998 called Mortal Kombat: Conquest. Because of how badly these were received, MK fans did not get another film/TV show for a long time, probably out of fear of getting even worse reviews, until the gritty and darker toned 2011 webseries called Mortal Kombat: Legacy came along. Legacy took the internet by storm and sparked hope for a newer [and understandably gorier] film, which has since been confirmed with James Wan as one of the Producers. This makes sense, because as horror fans know, Wan is one of the original producers of the SAW franchise.

While we wait for that newer and gorier entry, fans of the series can take solace in the fact that Ghana – of all places – has created their own film adaptation of Mortal Kombat, and it looks like it was created by a small group of fans of the video game series. What I am trying to say is it looks bad..really bad. The quality is abysmal, and the acting is absolutely atrocious. The special/visual effects are about as good as what you could expect to see on PlayStation 1, but it is fairly clear that the “actors” have a lot of heart and after watching this “version” of Mortal Kombat, it became fairly obvious that those involved have a deep and loving appreciation for the game series and its lore. Remember, this is not the Mortal Kombat you know, but it definitely falls into the “so bad it’s good” category of films. For these reasons, I love the fact that so much soul and dedication went into making it. Even if it is a terrible final product.

It should also be noted that in Ghana there are two different studio approaches: Ghallywood and Kumawood. Ghallywood is the equivalent of Hollywood, and is the more serious of the two – releasing higher budget films that tend to use English as their main language. However Kumawood, almost never has a script written and the actors involved are generally improvising on the spot. There’s other differences, like budget and culture, which you can read about here. Based on this knowledge, it is safe to say that this version of Mortal Kombat was made by Kumawood. Want to get your own feel for Ghana‘s film? Let me enlighten you by checking out the trailer below!

Needless to say, if you are not a fan of terrible movies – especially ones that were already terrible to begin with – you probably will not enjoy watching Ghana‘s Mortal Kombat film. It definitely did not have the largest budget, but until James Wan releases even a tease as to the version of Mortal Kombat that he is part of, we – the viewers – will have to settle for less than appealing versions of the series. As always, now I ask: what are Your thoughts on Ghana‘s version of Mortal Kombat? Was it something that you could see yourself watching? Or would you not be able to take it seriously, especially with its less than small budget? Let me know your thoughts in a comment or two! Be sure to also follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 180+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too! Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

THANKS FOR READING.

There Is An OFFICIAL RESIDENT EVIL 7 Candle Being Released

Resident Evil is a game series that I have been playing since I was younger, always finding new ways to terrify myself. I only really got into the series when I played Resident Evil Zero and Resident Evil 4 on the Nintendo Gamecube – I still strongly enjoy these games to this day! However, I do not have a newer generation console yet – I plan to eventually get a Playstation 4 – and I think it is about time that I pick one up, because the highly anticipated next chapter in the Resident Evil franchise is coming out in a few short weeks: Resident Evil 7.

It gets better though, the Playstation 4 version of the game is [also] being released in VR – Virtual Reality – in order to give the player the feeling that you really are in a creepy New Orleans house surrounded by deadly creatures. While VR gives you the experience of seeing these scares from your couch, there’s one sense it cannot simulate yet: smell. Luckily, there’s now an official Resident Evil 7 candle just for that reason. [wait, what?]

Calling itself the “Resident Evil 7: Blood, Sweat, and Fears 4D VR Candle,” the object in question is designed to give off “the smell of the game,” so that you can be totally immersed in the horrifying world around you. Its creators claim that it smells like “old timber, leather, and maybe some blood..” which sounds pretty damn insane! If you’re a veteran Resident Evil player, the candle should last you through the entire game with approximately 20 hours of burn time. This is a good thing, because in order to have that sense of mental involvement comes at a price: the Resident Evil 7 candle is currently priced at a $18.99 and is available for preorder here. [Shipping January 20th, 2017!]

Of course, there is a strong chance are that you do not want your house smelling like rust, deteriorating wood, and blood when you are done playing the game, so I am going to suggest that you open a window or two after a play session. Worst case, and that does not work, you could always replace the smell of the undead with Clean Cotton.

Although it goes without saying, if you are planning on picking up both Resident Evil 7 and one of these candles, safety is always of the most importance. The very last thing you need is to accidentally knock over the candle, [while wearing the Virtual Reality] and find yourself in an actual burning house/apartment!

The real question today is if You are planning on picking up one of these “one of a kind” candles? Is it something You can find yourself buying, or was it absolutely unnecessary? Let me know your thoughts in a comment or two! Be sure to also follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 180+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too! Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

THANKS FOR READING.